woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
