lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
as a side note pls kill me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
