but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
