I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
