capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
