Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
