Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
