why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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