He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
