a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
