Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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