he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
