eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
