So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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