omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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