You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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