A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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