So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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