I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
