I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
As shirtless as possible
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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