seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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