Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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