party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
