i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
