there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My feet surprised me
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
