I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
