What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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