i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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