i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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