i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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