I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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