btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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