Swine flu. Run for my life!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
