i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
