oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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