omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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