I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I want a musical about memes.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
