Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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