eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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