Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So squirting runs in the family.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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