wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
