He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
