she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
