I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
