actually, I'm a sock model
if i can run in heels then i can drive
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
