We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
