Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
