the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well I just put wine in my tea
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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