How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
