turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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