Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
