i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
