the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
